So this is a late entry and I am not even sure if any one is reading my blogs but I guess I just crossed the thousand mark which means somebody is reading the stuff on this page. Ofcourse a lot has changed from the last time I put something in this blank space and a lot has changed in the short span. I work now for one of the best companies in India. I Know I am still not doing things I love or care about but time will come when I will.
I have to say though each day is a new lesson. Each minute a revision.. So, starting from Indian politics, which is an obsession in Indian drawing rooms and an alien subject to me to our daily desk top which would never tire of giving new troubles each day I have surely learnt more than I had bargained for.
The first lesson I have learnt that we dont have control on things around us not even our own lives let alone on running and functioning of a country like ours, Gujarat elections being the marker of agressive media campaign and political mudslinging, people of Gujarat decide other wise. So, a new question arises? Is media powerful as it says it is? Or is it the opinion of a few elitists who had time to discuss these things in coffee houses and rich daddies to did not have to be worried about earning daily wages like the rest of us mortals? What about the support stock markets have shown in Modi. So why do the people and the markets have faith in a man media so abhors? Who is right and who is wrong? Quite truthfuly these questions remain to be addressed but are never answered through numerous political debates and discussions.
Need of the hour is for media to become what it is. "Media" nothing more. Stop getting judgemental. Report facts. Saperate them from emotions. Leave Each to his own.

Facing the greatest fear of wannabe struggling writer.... Looking at the blank computer screen, with nothing to do with my hands.... So ok my mind is blank, where i could type and type (pretty much rubbish) here I am with nothing...not even RUBBISH... I remember my father always told me that i love to create crisis, now i think may be he was right (pretty much like all the other things in the world). But"creating Crisis" always gave me something to think about. Something to rebel against. Somethng to fight for and least of all Something to LIVE for.. Now i know i wil never go back from where i am, but i still wish for that strange fire in my belly (ahhm not gastro...) for small things with bigger values... For silly crushes that would never concretise and become the song in my heart and make music more alive. For sky high ambitions, movies that seemed to inspire..From now on nothing will ever be big enough and life ahead a blank monotony of making money to gear a demanding career forward and one month of working i am already sick of it because i feel sold out.. I work for the same guys against whom i participated in rallies...

So only one thing lives on..Its hope..Which is found in deepest darkest places and yeah to be practical, ol' friends on orkut and gmail, (new ones too) and mobile sms, and hope that life would take a new turn and will not just end up all WORK..

Ok this was just after I posted my "post " right here, sallowing about my "condition"(chek the just next post), I met this guy who pulls rickshaw for living and guess what I was never more ashamed about complaining on my status... I know most would kill for what I have while others would scorn, but this guy who lives by a rickshaw when he can beg and make better money. Oh yes i forgot to mention that he has just one hand.. So?? I found a new found dignity in lives of people who make their living every day...I have nothing more to say than that but i was not just ashamed of what he did, I was ashamed of why he had to resort to it... why he dint have a system supporting his kind.. I dont know but will atleast soon find out...

OK so I hang my head because I cursed so many things specially the word "Freedom".. A Little update on my Friend if anyone might be interested: She and her guy are married, and absconding because court is so damn slow, while a case is still on my friends "husband", which is registered by her parents (kidnapping?? i doubt but its possible...) . I know the truth, Everything is fine.Don't know the details because I might be in trouble, if i do. So that's it. Happy ending and a "flight of freedom.."

Which brings me to the next set of absurdities I see. At work I have under me three people who are more experienced and older, only that they are my subordinates and worse still MEN. A typical situation I face is that, I earn more than ALL the ladies in the company. If you don't understand my situation, I was already the most hated person on the day that i joined. SO while every one else concentrates on their performance, I had to concentrate on keeping everyone ego cool.... What could be worse, Once i was being reprimanded by my boss, in front of my subordinates, for not in-subordinating them enough, and that turned out to be the worse, I had ever seen personally in my life. During the course of a discussion, The retort I got after seeing my temper flare was: I am sorry because you are going to cry!!

So my male subordinate thinks its OK for him to apologise because I am a female but he would not accept his fault... I was not going to cry and neither was I going to let him off. The issue was resolved. I have come to terms with the work place and we are all friends now when we are not working. But I can never forget that day.

It only shows that we have to keep proving ourselves, I don't know Wat it is for men, but even when male friends talk (even to me) their position is that "my female boss knows nothing..." So it looks like its never going to end. Every day We have to prove our selves so that we can be accepted. As daughters, wives, mothers, sisters, team leaders or team members, its never going to be easy or is it ever going to stop. And so we hang in and hang on... now and forever...No one said being an independent person was easy, an independent girl by way far more difficult!!..

As India celebrates "Independence day" with jubilant exuberence, we forget that 60 years is just a "twinkle in the eye of history". We forget that when we made a society as rigid as ours, we were never free, we weren't enslaved by The British, but by ourselves. To put it on Arundhati Roy, it began three thousand years ago, when laws were laid down, as to who should be loved. And how much.
I put this post here because I was alone in my room this independence day, because my 24 year old, "independent", working, MBA grad friend was dragged out of our New Delhi Municipal Corporation's Working women's hostel room, By her four brothers. By violence and sheer force (I was in my office, i hear it was a huge scene), her mobile is switched off, she probably locked in her room some where, her boyfriend tells me she is fine, I know he is worried too. No prizes for guessing that even today, this "educated, modern, girl" has no right to marry the guy of her choice. BUT no one stopped them... Her parents don't see what I see, how much they love each other, how happy they are and when I am with them, I see hope and fun and happiness in this world.. I feel guilty because I was the one who advised my friend to give her parents some time, to accept, they were ready to get married, they listened to me. I was Wrong.
Anu, my friend is not the only tragedy of Independent India. We are not free as long as we keep giving in to other people's wishes.. think about what would any one say, what would people think. Social norms have overcome common sense, hypocrisy over sensibility. Modern India is not free, as long as there are flyovers without any foot path for pedestrians (near my office), As long as there is development without equity.
We think we are moving ahead, too fast and too soon. But we are wrong. We need to improve a lot. There is too much that needs be done and too little that's actually be done. And to the above issue there is no solution. No laws that say that its wrong to force and subjugate just because "what would people say?" No! Independence day was not happy for me. And I mourn a dying and decaying society, and a corrupt political system. We are greater slaves than we ever were, of a system that refuses to change or accept...

While researcing for a media campaign, this is what I came across and couldn help but place it here...
I know its becoming a collection of other people's work here I promise myself originals will soon follow!!


"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, “Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?” Actually, who are you not to be? Your playing small does not serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as we are meant to. We were born to make manifest the glory that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we're liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

I just realised that my posts are too damn lovy-dovy these days... untill i came across this one forward, which is exactly how i feel..... n jus' had to b here...


Isn't it amazing that George Carlin - gross and mouthy comedian of the 70'sand 80's - could write something so very eloquent...and so very appropriate.
A wonderful Message by George Carlin:> The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings butshorter tempers, wider Freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, buthave less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smallerfamilies, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense,more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, moremedicine, but less wellness.> We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little,drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read toolittle, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.> We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much,love too seldom, and hate too often.> We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to lifenot life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have troublecrossing the street to meet a new neighbour. We conquered outer space but notinner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.> We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, butnot our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplishless. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to holdmore information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less andless.> These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and smallcharacter, steep profits an d shallow relationships. These are the days of twoincomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days ofquick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands,overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill.It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in thestockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time whenyou can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete...> Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going tobe around forever.> Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because thatlittle person soon will grow up and leave your side.>

Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the onlytreasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.> Remember, to say, 'I love you' to your partner and your loved ones, but mostof all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.> Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.> Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.>

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:> Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments thattake our breath away.> If you don't send this to at least 8 people....Who cares?> George Carlin